Battle of Pulchran

The cast iron gate clanged shut, denying her entry. She stared up at the twelve-foot giant standing guard, as a solitary tear rolled down her wet cheeks.

"Why, why now?" she whispered to herself, as she trudged back into the misty forest.

The battle had raged nigh on seven years and yet, there seemed no light at the end of the tunnel. Or even a tunnel, for that matter. The mighty but stubborn prince refused to drop the blindfolds and see, really see. An amicable alliance with the Pulchrans would put an end to this bloody carnage and complete loss of morality.

Something caught on her hem, sending her stumbling head first into the murky swamp. A fallen branch nicked her neck on her way into the slimy pools of algae. A silent calm swam over her eyes, her fingers and toes tingling.

"Oh no, Drende poison... I have thirty six seconds left before this reaches my heart... Must. Get. Up."

She could feel herself drifting dreamily atop a fluffy cloud over the mountains, looking down on the puny humans with their petty wars causing pointless strife, running amuck with their tiny daggers and howling like the great warriors they never were.

[unfinished]

Oakling

Tiny tendrils took root
Weaving their way in
Ever so slowly.

Tender green leaves
Sprouted through upwards
Aiming for the sky.

The little oakling grew
Transcending time itself
Ageing beautifully.

It was going to live forever;
Standing for aeons to come
Strong and silent.

Medical School I

Med school. That place that society associates with high grades, ambition, high levels of stress and concern for people's health. However, there's something very crucial about med school that a majority of people are oblivious to and that is the fact that amidst the gruelling schedules and high calibre exams, there is also the fact that we learn so much about life. This is to be taken both metaphorically and literally. We study the human body, we study how life exists biologically and physically but also emotionally and mentally. We learn about the dynamics of a group of peers under one common stressor, through our own personal experiences during our time here together.

A variety of people pass thru med school. We meet people from all walks of life and yet a lot of us find it difficult to put ourselves in their shoes and actively empathise with them. I am just as guilty of this crime as the others and I take full responsibility for that. It hasn't happened just once but numerous times with different kinds of characters. I fail to stand strong in what I believe to be the truth because more often than not, I feel like I do not know as much as the others for my opinion to matter. How wrong I have been, on 3 different counts.

Life lessons are probably the most important kind of education that one can take away from this place. There will come a time when all the information we need as doctors will simply be given to us on a tablet and we only need to find out how all these pieces fit together in the puzzle. Without emotional development on the other hand, we may be lost, not knowing how to deal with a particularly difficult patient or even a colleague.

This place may be foreign, it may make me feel like fish out of water but these taxing circumstances all work together to bring out the worst in us. What we do with those traits is entirely up to us: we can either identify and acknowledge them to work towards a better version of ourselves or we can simply deny them, claiming that this is just the way we are now and there's nothing to be done about it. 

Past Pages

Cleaning out my closet, I came across some pages I had cut out of my journal not too long ago. I propped myself against the wardrobe to read through these carefully folded pages. Curiosity turned to amusement, all tinged with a dash of sadness and yearning. I put those away into the recesses of my heart, as carefully folded as the pages I had just discovered.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath once I had finished. Those words had unearthed a few unpleasant memories that I had thought long gone. The phantom pain threatened to take over my being as I pushed myself onto my knees and continued packing my books away into the half-full box that lay open before me. I blankly threw books from my shelves into it as the words I had just read flew in circles. How naive I had been, not to mention foolish.

I felt the old anger rising up steadily inside. No, never again, I thought. I jumped up, grabbed the sheets of paper and walked out the door to the nearest stone bin with a box of matches in the other hand. I held the pages up as I quickly struck a match and let the flames lick the corners before throwing the match away. I silently gloated as the flames quickly consumed the wretched pieces of paper filled with self-loathing and ungodly yearning. My cheeks were moist and my nose runny but I felt determination welling up inside, squashing the unwelcome visitors in my emotional space.

It's going to be a new day tomorrow. 

Rules

Most people believe that rules are there to keep them from having fun, from living life to the fullest. The rules given us by God are in order to achieve the opposite. They are all there to help us live life to the fullest, to keep us from expending our God-given time on things that do not matter ultimately to our purpose here on earth. Rules keep us from hurting ourselves, from pain and heartache. From having your soul half-scorched to death to such an extent that any sort of healing seems impossible.

It may often seem like you have gotten away with it but those consequences eventually do catch up and then you pay, threefold, thirtyfold, a hundredfold even! It may not be the next day or the next month; it may be five years down the line. You will be haunted by it until you've understood the lesson in the ordeal. It will follow you until you turn it over to God and allow Him to change those parts of you that led you into those situations.

Yes, we have been saved by Grace and our sins have been forgiven but that is not a free pass to keep committing more sins. Especially ones you know are extremely wrong. Giving in to your fleshly desires does eventually destroy you and those around you. This couldn't be truer. I always thought it was an exaggeration, meant to instil caution or fear in people. I now understand that it is not the case; I feel like I am dying because of things I have knowingly done.

Let Him in, let go of your issues with authority - believe that He has the best in store for you.  

Cast It All (?)

It was so heavy, so heavy
This burden that I was carrying
When all I had to do
Was cast it all on You.

You promised to take care
Because nothing is impossible
For You, oh God are always there
Always there, no matter what we say
Or what we do or what we want

(???)

Heart of Soul

Unrest stirs the heart; 

Sleep evades at night

My soul weary, torn,

Exhausted and weak.

When hope starts fading, 

Then the battle's lost. 

Swim strong thru the waves,

Awaken, chin up;

Fight harder, Heart of Soul.